Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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