This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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