your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
