i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
