I need help removing her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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