To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
