You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
