i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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