Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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