I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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