I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
