Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
