I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
