my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
