shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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