Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
