we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
