I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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