It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
