Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
