Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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