So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
