sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
