capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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