College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
