Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You ate ashes out of my bong
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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