try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
