My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
