hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
