Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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