were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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