Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
