so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
