Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
