Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My feet surprised me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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