Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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