Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
