My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
