The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
