I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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