Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
