Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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