The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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