Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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