Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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