The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
