i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
