i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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