Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
