The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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