On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
