she smelled like a LAN party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
