nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
